Where is the trap door?

Many of us have seen the hilarious video of a mom hiding in her pantry to eat a snack and many of us can relate.

Earlier this week I was desperately wishing I had a pantry big enough to hide in. Allow me to paint you a picture of how my first hour out of bed went, and keep in mind this was not an unusual morning.

I’m woken by Alizé bouncing on my head after she kept me up until midnight. As you may remember, she was sleeping on the couch with me because of the basement flooding.

I drag myself upstairs to try and pee in peace and of course hearing my feet Caleb starts screaming loudly.

I let him out of his room as I walk by and let Damien out as well.

I groggily return to the kitchen to start my coffee.

Oh Great what is that on the floor? Yep, the dog pooped on the rug. Clean up poop on the floor.

Alizé is now crying and screaming because while going to the bathroom and trying getting dressed she got her pants tangled and she is too tired to function.

All with a soundtrack of Perry yelling “Moooooom” and Oliver screaming as if being murdered in the background.

I go and get them up as well, I get everyone’s diapers changed and make them bowls of cereal.

Oh shit, I’m supposed to do this plank first thing. I do my plank in the kitchen with Oliver screaming at me because he is sure he needs a cup that very second. Olivers cereal is now all over the floor and he is acting as if he lost a limb and not a bowl of cereal. Sigh. Time to clean that up.

Oh crap, I need to drink my warm lemon water before my coffee, I start that process.

Meanwhile, Perry needs three reminders to clean his room and help getting the bathroom door open.

Oh that’s right, we are hosting family night dinner and I need to start dinner in the crock pot. I gather all the things to start it, I am in the middle of unwrapping the chicken when Caleb comes running into the kitchen in full meltdown. Why? His slipper fell off, but he is so upset it takes him quite a while to calm down enough that I can put his slipper back on.

From the kitchen floor I realize, my lemon water is getting cold and I am supposed to drink it warm.  Caleb’s calm but now needs a banana. I get him his banana and I return to making dinner.

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Ear piercing screams are heard from the dining room. What’s the problem now?

Oh, Caleb sat in front of Oliver’s tablet instead of his own because he liked what was on it. I switch the tablets out but Oliver is still so upset he is screaming and trying to climb my leg, Caleb is screaming and trying to throw his cereal bowl because his tablet isn’t showing the show he wanted, Oliver now slides off my foot and slightly bumps into Alizé who starts screaming. All of this while Damien is trying to yell/sing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” to Caleb thinking it will help him calm down and Perry is trying to yell over all the noise to say “Can I have a cup pleeeeeeaaaaase?”

Somehow I calm everyone down and I am able to return to finish dinner. Damn,  my water is lukewarm. I chug it and Alizé comes hobbling in from the bathroom in hysterics because she got tangled in her pants again trying to get dressed and she can’t get out. I get her untangled and she returns to the table to eat her breakfast.

I was finally able to finish prepping dinner, make my coffee, and wish desperately that I had a big pantry to hide in or a trap door somewhere.

The kids all file into the kitchen wanting me to hold them, watch this trick, listen to them describe a youtube video, etc. Deep Breath. I tell them they  all they needed to go play elsewhere. Mommy needs a minute.

I look at the clock.

How have we been up less than an hour? 

I now have two sinks of dishes to wash, laundry to start, and the project of the day-sorting all the PILES and PILES of paperwork the kids have.

Shoot, I have a phone meeting today about starting our local CMT branch, I need to get all my things gathered before the meetings starts.

There has to be a mommy escape hatch around here somewhere.

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