This weekend two of my sweet friends were married to their amazing guys and we were not there. I am so sad to have missed it. There seems to be a spat of us missing things lately.
We love getting the invitations in the mail, especially when it is to events where our children are welcome. Then reality kicks in.
Do we have any appointments that day? We do most days unfortunately.
Can the kids handle whatever the event is?
If the kids lose it will they ruin the event?
Is there going to be a crowd or will it be spread out?
Are any of the kids sick?
Is it on a day Tyler can come with me? If not can we afford the extra Nanny day? Or will it be somewhere I can fly solo?
Why the barrage of questions you may wonder. It is just a wedding, just a birthday party, just a housewarming.
Unfortunately, almost no decision in our family is ever easy. We have about 539482 factors to consider. I’ll take it situation by situation. If the event will be crowded with a lot of people (especially people our kids are not super familiar with) then all of them will have extreme anxiety which creates a lot of “interesting” behaviors in each of the kiddos. Additionally, crowds are a big sensory trigger for the three kiddos with Sensory Processing Disorders. In both of these scenarios the kids need the ability to have an escape, a place to calm down and recalibrate so they do not have an extreme meltdown. When the event is outside, this is usually easy to accomplish- when it is at someone’s home or really any enclosed space it gets tricky.
If it is an event where the kids are not invited it is a whole new adventure. There are not a ton of people available to watch the kids. There are not a lot of people willing to tackle watching all five of them, and ever fewer that Caleb is ok with being left alone with. This is why Tyler and I average less than one date out together a year and why it took us months to find a Nanny both times we had to look. This is also why Crystal is never allowed to quit.
We have the same problem when we plan the kids’ birthday parties, we have to plan them where the kids are comfortable, where the kids have an escape and that is also fun. Even our weekly family dinners can be too much. The kid’s can get overly anxious and act out. Caleb needs to leave for a while every time to calm down and regulate himself.
If we turn down an invitation please know we love you, we are excited for you and all the new things going on in your lives. Sometimes it is just too hard for us to be there physically and sometimes we are just worried our presence may end up ruining your event if the kids lose it. Thanks for understanding.